...My words fall as snowflakes... you are my paper that they land on...

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Tuesday

The Melon Grape experiment..

For the longest time I have been calling my Helen a Melon..it just makes sense till she's started calling me a Grape O_o and somehow the nicknames stuck and yet it only makes me think of her with a big head and me with a ridiculously small head!! O_o"

Anyways last week I went for lunch my Melon and we had Mexican food down bricklane..it was lovely!! And we had alot of fun messing around with the hats, going behind the bar and shakin it up abit before our food came!! Was good time when we lived together and we certainly did have alot of fun thinking back to the antics we got up to with drunk Colleen!! Lol! This girl used to girlfy me...she stopped me hanging out with the home boys for awhile so I'd come back to wearing skirts haha!!

Anyways this was just a short post to clink wine glasses with eye contact to you melanious!! I hope you have a wonderful birthday this week in Alanya with your family!! I'll see you when you get back!!! xxx

Love... A fruit of the spirit...

Love is hard.. don't you think guys?? When you think of what it means to love in the way where Love originated from.. the father... It certainly isn't an easy thing to do...not in my eyes...
 I'm sure you guys know of the term 'Love your Enermies'... but really..how do you do that...If love means affection..googly feelings and an urge to care and protect...how can you reproduce those feelings towards your enermies??
I've recently watched a sermon one Sunday about Love and it inspired me to share my thoughts... Because there are so many mistakes i feel i have made in the ideas of what Love used to mean to me... I've had my share of heartbreaks..from friendships, familys and partners...all of which have taught me that i still have yet to learn so much about what it means to truely Love...  There shouldn't be much difference from loving an enemy to loving a person you have feelings for..but yet the ease of the actions in doing so are so hard to put onto the same page...How do you even begin to start changing yourself to get to that point???

I used to think about Love in the romantic way..in so many different theories... when i was younger...i think its natural to try to find the answers yourself...But one thing that kept happening in my life was that for whenever i found the the answers back then..the questions changed...
Within my journey to explore the meanings of life (as you all know)...I think if i didn't start asking the questions this year i would have never have found the answers that stayed the same and stopped that vicious cycle...On a subject that is so diverse and debatible..i found my truth and answers about Love within the examples Jesus Christ...

It's about what we are willing to give up and curb our choices to fulfill someone elses desires...its an action, not a feeling...its a choice, a verb...its means to serve..to sacrifice yourself for your enermies... Jesus washed his disples feet... like how could the king of kings do that for others?? Because of Love...And the ultimate act of Love..When he gave his life in sacrific for our sins... The way i had to put that into perspective was to imagine my own child being nailed to a crucifix and killed infront of my very eyes...Just for a 'maybe'...not even for a forsure'...Love is definately a risk...

C.S Lewis says  "To love at all is to be vunerable..love anything and your heart will certainly be rung and possibly be broken... If you wanna make sure of keeping it in tact, you must give your heart to no one..not even your pet..wrap it around with hobbies, little luxuries, avoid all entanglements..lock it up safe..in the casket or a coffin of your selfishness..but in that casket, safe, dark, motionless..airless..it will change..it will not be broken but it will become unbreakable..inpeneratable..inredeemable.."

Love with action and truth..not words...
we tend to think of relationships as a bargain or a negociation...but really what ultimately matters is putting the other persons happiness before your owns... tough thing to do..but when reflecting upon what Jesus did...i'm sure i can be more and more like him if i keep that in my heart everyday...

I think we can Love...because he 1st loved us...

x

Monday

I was sitting by myself..minding my own business...when a couple of tourists asked me if they could take a photo of me...they found it fasinating by the way I was sitting O_o then I realised u don't often get a small oriental girl with legs crossed as if I was meditating...sitting in the heart of Liverpool St... Was a strange experience for London..I only get asked to take pictures with when I am abroad!!

Bulgogi baby!!

Next to Kim-chi, Bulgogi is actually koreas national dish and one of my favourites aswell!! This day was so funny, I had to meet my Dhara chan but her battery died so finding her in picadilly was mad! So much so I asked a clown if he had seen her and to my surprise!! The clown knew all about Dhara chan!! It means she was the type of girl to stand around and tell a clown of her life story and be totally cool about it lol!! He even knew how we met and my name!! O_o creepy!! 
Anyways me and dhara chan had Bulgogi for lunch..it was a.m.a.z.i.n.g!! I love and miss this girl...so much stupidness when I'm around her...basically my inner child and high pitched voice synchronises with hers whenever we get too close together lol...it's so true it's abit scary O_o"

Sunday

Beautiful Clouds laced around me..

I've recently been overwhelmingly surprised by the way my life has turned around...I think God has truly answered my prayers that I call for deep in my heart...
I am always asking for peace upon my life and everything that surrounds it... That gentle grace that I ask for everyone to experience...is kinda like the beautiful clouds lacing the skies we all live under... Clouds bring hope for water...they also bring shelter from the sun...alot of people might hate when it's cloudy but I for one am grateful to see it's presence...it reminds me of a safety net..a nest...a peaceful and quiet grace thats always there even when we forget...even when there are dark clouds..it's only because the gift of rainfall is due... Even when thick and smog like during winter...its the beauty of snowfall covering the world with a blanket of White...a colour that's pure and of light...

I know I'm talking all poetic and probably not making much sense at all...but I hope you can see that I wish to inspire you all with what I see that is beautiful... I'm so happy that my life seems to sparkle to me now that maybe that saying:-

'every cloud has a silver lining' 

...is something we all could do with reflecting on... No matter how unpleasant, difficult or even painful the situations and obstacles in our lives..there is always something positive that comes out of it...just be patient and let your heart be still...to hear it... :) 

I wanted to share this photo I took whiles in regents park this week...I love the sense of peace laced into the skies...I was so happy when I took this picture..COLD!!but happy!! :p
xxx

Saturday

If its possible for one person to be hurt by another...
Then its possible for one person to be healed by another...

Monday

a riceball doesn't belong in a Fruits basket...

I was so happy when you smiled..
You smile breaks through the clouds of grey..
Far from sunny days that lie in sleep..
Waiting with patience for the spring, 
when the flowers will bloom-renewed again..
Knowing theres more beyond the pain of today...
Although the scars of yesterday remain..
you can go on living as much as your heaart believes..
you can't be born again-although you can change..
Let's stay together always...


Thursday

Baking till your heart content!!

Those who have seen me recently will know that i've recently had a baking phase... Ever since i was a munchkin, i was always fascinated by cooking shows on tv...the layering of flavours and ingredients to create wonderful dishes for the enjoyment we got from eating.. i believe in the art of eating.. Like I consider myself very lucky to have been raised in a country where i get to experience all the types of food around the world...my parents never got that luxury, sometimes food would just be soy sauce and boiled rice when they were young..so i have to be grateful that there such thing as an art of eating.. :p

Back onto the subject, i love cooking and creating dishes and desserts... i don't so much et to cook main meals anymore because thats always been mothers duty (even if i did she would try to finish before me so i would eat her food instead!) But a revolution has come around!!!

In all my life, whenever i cook something, make something to eat for the fam to try out, my mom has always hid her feelings of enjoying anything i make...she'd say 'this ingredient is good' and that was edible..but neverr "this tastes amazing!" So with that in mind, i've been baking desserts at night lately (because i can't sleep sometimes>_<) and i've made all sort of things..
New york style Cheesecake (Di and B-i know ur drooling ;p)
Gooey chocolate cakes (made my lil sis fat xD)
Strawberry and rasberry baked cheesecake (this was a hit with the friends and family too!)
and loads of Carrot cakes.. wanna know why.... BECAUSE MAMA LOVEDDD IT!!! :DDD
hahaha!! butt she wouldn't admit it to me..she just kept saying 'oh ray really liked your carrot cake' or 'your dad liked the cake' or 'so next time u bake another cake, dont give it out, leave it at home' and finally ' so i bought a fresh bag of carrots...' loool!! and i was like.." hold on 1 sec..u actually like it..no no..u really like it don't u..u want me to bake another one again don't u mother?? ;p uno i dont really care if other people like it or want me to bake another one, but if mama is craving my homemade HEALTHY carrot cake, just say the word mom.." lool and she would keep pretending other people asked me to make it..its sooo funnny!!
I'm gonna share my recipe for the carrot cake since its been such a hit with work, bible study, friends and family..and the best thing abut it is that it is sooo much healthier than the 'healthy' carrot cakes you buy...

Jeniniooo's Super Carrot Cake Recipe
175g self raising flour (for wholemeal flour, add 1.5tsp baking powder n 1 tsp of bicarbonate of soda the the flour, pinch of salt and mixed well)
125g of dark brown sugar (or use 60g of Muscovado Sugar,65g of xylitol sugar for extra low gi)
2 tsp of baking powder
1 tsp of ground cinnamon
pinch of freshly grated nutmeg
3 eggs beaten
150ml of melted organic coconut oil (leave some for greasing)
1 tsp of good quality dark vanilla essence
250g of freshly grated carrots

Frosting
75g low fat cream cheese
1 tsp of good quality vanilla essence
40g of icing sugar

1.Preheat oven to 180c (350F), Gas mark 4.
2. Put the flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg in a bowl and mix well.. make a hole in the middle and add the eggs, oil, vanilla and carrots.Mix it well but folding it so u get more air bubbles trapped so it rises well..
3. Pour mixture into a cake tin when its lined with baking paper (doesnt matter if u havet got any, jus keep the cake in the tin!!^_^) and brush the whole tin and baking paper with remaining coconut oil. Bake in oven for about 25-30 mins depending on your oven..i keep mines for 30 and check by poking a chopstick in..if theres no batter stuck to it, its cooked in the middle.. when golden brown, risen and perfect..leave to cool.
4. Making to frosting by combining the creamed cheese, vanilla and icing sugar..its will become creamy and once the cake is cooled, spread an even layer over the whole thing... and you're done :)

tip..u can add nuts and dried fruit in the mixture aswell but some people dont like dried fruit or nuts in my house so plain carrots were best for me! 

You get alot of vitamins and minerals fromt he carrots and the molasses in the dark sugars used..the organic virgin coconut oil is one of the healthiest oils in the world (more than olive oil believe it or not!) it has no trans fats (all cooking oils have hydrogen added to it to make it last longer but it changes the oil to a be potential health risk. Both my parents have health problems so if a dessert is what they want, i'll be sure to make it as healthy for them as i can...and to be honest..it didn't taste bland or worst...everyone liked it regardless of my sneeky health ingrdients added into it :p
good luck, lemme know if u try the recipe out.
xxx

Steve Jobs.. RIP

 I'm probably abit late as to write about him now...as i've already shown my condolense when i found out about the loss of a great innovator to the world..

He was more than just one of the most brillant minds of our time, but truely a beautiful person aswell.. I watched this video of him giving a speech for Stanford university back in 2005 and it really inspired me to adhere to his advice...i would like you guys to take 15mins out of your time to listen to his amazing life...

Some quotes from his speech that really resonated with me that i wanted to share with you guys...

"you can't connect the dots looking forward..you can only connect them looking backwards..so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future..you have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, your life, whatever...it will lead you to the right path.."

"the heaviness of being sucessful, was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again..less sure about everything.."

"If i didn't get fired from apple, i wouldn't have started the company Nex and Pixar... It was awful tasting medicine..but i guess the patient needed it.."

"Sometimes life is gonna hit you on the head with a brick....don't lose faith... I am convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that i loved what i did.. you've got to find what you love..and that is as true for work as it is with your lovers... Your work is gonna fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truelly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.. and the only way to do great work.. is to love what you do...if you haven't found it yet, keep looking...and don't settle... and with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.. and like any great relationship..it just gets better and better as the years roll on.."

"if you live each day as if it were your last, someday u most certainly will be right..."

"Remembering that you are going to die, is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking that you have something to lose..you are already naked..there is no reason not to follow your heart.."

"no one wants to die, even people who want to go to heaven, dont want to die to get there...death is most likely the single best invention of life.. its lifes change agent..it clears out the old to make way for the new...."

"your time is limited..so don't waste it living someone elses life. Don' be trapped by dogma- which is living with the results of someone elses thinking..don't let the noise of someone elses opinion drown out your own inner voice..and most important..have the courage to follow your heart and intuition...they somehow already know what you truely want to become...everything else is secondary.."

"stay hungry..stay foolish.."

Rest in peace Mr Jobs...

Wednesday

Phase 23

 Saw down next to my little sister this morning and gave her the biggest shock... LOOOOLLL!! She actually had to do a double take and her reaction was sooo priceless!! She couldn't recognise me!!
 
 Look at who looks like your big sister nowww!!!! (i realise that the photo says otherwise O_o") For the longest time my ickle sister has been winning the 'who do u think is older' competition whenever we ask people who have never met one or the other before... and gosh it just sucks to be on the 'little sister end' all the timeee!!! Well not anymoreeee!!! :D Some of my friends are going to be so shocked to see me without the trade mark hair they've always known me to have...
What do u all think???!! :D well..i dnt really care if you prefer the old style... that was phase 21..i like the winter look!! :D

Renee at 2 and 2 months old..

She likes eating toothpaste and sorta brushing her teeth...
When she sleeps, she looks for my hand or arm so she can pinch me (no idea why sometimes its really really hurtsss!!! >_< she likes folding my skin so she can pinch me even whiles asleep!!)
She stuffed a WHOLE box of Jenga bricks inside her top..shook her belly with a jiggle..
andmade us put her jacket on so her pregnancy looked natural!! LMAO!! it was soooo funny i got it on video!! Ren ren, watch when ur 18 and aunty jeniniooo bring out all your antics!! :p I love you xxx

Tuesday

O_O 2 yr old DIVAA!!!

If its not my purple suede and patent stilettos... It's Lyn's red patent stilettos... This girl can't even say a full sentence yet but knows which shoes are the most special to us!! O_o 
Bless her tho..its so friggin cute!! <3

Monday

New Blog Project!!

Visit my new extension to my blog to find out about the
"I Heart Jeniniooo" Project!
Inspired by the museum of broken relationships and a friend of mines..please visit
Love you guys and dollz!! xxx


Sunday

Miss Team Leader!!

I am so nervous and excited about my new role tomorrow as a cafe team leader.. Im going to have a few new people and some of my trusty friends to help me create the next big dream team :D

pray that i would draw more people to the service tomo!! :D

Saturday

Like a beautiful pink camellia

one of my favourite flowers...and a poem that i've always loved...
Like a beautiful pink camellia
That bloom in chilly August on it's dark green mother tree
So bright and fresh and pretty in the wintery wind and rain
That's how you've always looked to me and that's how you will remain.
The beautiful camellia flower that blooms fresh and young today
In two or three weeks if that long will have gone into decay
For flowers have such a brief span they quickly fade away
But in sixty years of living your beauty with you stay.
I feel privileged and grateful for to have you as a friend
And I will love you and respect you until my life will end
You are warm and kind hearted and well loved and well known
And it's due to you and to you only that into a better person I have grown.
You are wise and quite intelligent and beautiful to behold
And you don't have a gray hair on your head and you never will grow old
And on your sixtieth birthday you still look beautiful to me
Like the young and pretty pink flower on the green camellia tree.


by Francis Duggan

Friday

Arguements


I've recently had a massive dispute with a friend i used to call my 'bestfriend'... It's sad really... I really hate fighting and confrontation but i guess when you don't feel like your morals of friendship are met, it gets to you... and it got to me... I really like to live my life tryin to not create expectations and obligations to people...it just set you up to be open to getting hurt by people...but as much as i try, if you care alot-you do get hurt..and i guess that is just human nature...

I actually used to get so upset when friends used me, or betrayed me, or just lied and treated me bad..like really pset to the point where i would get depressed and loss sleep and apetite over them...but as much as i have changed now, the old part of me still creeps back in..especially when there is history...

One thing that i am greatful for is the constant reminder of what Jesus christ did for me.. He got tortured and died for my sins just so that i can be forgiven and loved by God... Like it still amazes me as to how couragious and ultimately difficult it must have been for him to die for someone you love... That gives me strength... That alone allows me to be a bigger and more forgiving person because even though i got hurt in the process of the arguement...i should know better because i have God in my life and the other person doesn't...
"Forgive them father for they do not know..."

I used to utter this under my breath alot when people did wrong against me...because ultimately...that person does not know...i can't hold a grudge against that person because at the end of it, the only person i am hurting by doing that is myself...and it is not right to judge people of their actions...
I've gotten to the point in my life where i feel like i don't need that many friends in my life...i don't need to force what is not there... i can stand to have fewer aquaintances and fewer close friends... I know the truth of it is that people come and go from your life and it's no suprise when this should happen..that is life...people die, people change...people make mistakes...I love the Buddist mentality of detaching yourself from everything...to gain enlightenment...for me, the one thing that will never change is the love God has for me...thats one thing that would never change in my eyes...I know everyone of you have different beliefs and thats ok... I am greatful to have learnt and live by this now...I don't care for being judged by my friends and family by this anymore... I ultimately just want peace...

Arguements and disputes are thing that i deteste so much when it happens to me... I pray that it would happen less and less in my life...I'll have faith that that will happen for me...if not maybe i'll become a nun one day ey?? :p well..u never know...

I love you guys and dollz...I just wanted to share my feelings with you because dammit i aint perfect!! :D

xxx

Sunday

Anti-Social!!!

Hey guys!! 
For reasons i couldn't point out if you asked me, i have became weirdly anti social for the past month.. ( i'd say towards the end of august to the whole of september!!) Ermm..so anti social i didnt even wanna blog about my life and what i was thinking, doing or eating!! lol!! I guess i was being true to the words meaning... But in all honesty i have transformed alot recently...mentally, physically and emotionally!! :D i guess you could say i was doing alot of fine tuning within myself and i had alot of centralised focus on the development the way i think and feel about everything and everyone now... I didn't really go out, i'm sorry if you were one who called me but never got my ass out to see ya'll...i was working aswell but alot of work was alot done outside of my day job...I'd bored you guys if i had to go into detail about my anti-socialism and its reasons but several events, things, people, ermmm experiences and well..uno how life just throws one at ya or you finally catch the ball and understand it... well yea...i caught it and i'm very happy now :) maybe later i'd slowly share my exeriences with you guys...for now...i just wanna say i'm glad to be back on course of things and i'll try not to keep you guys in the dark.. :)

love you guys and dolliezzz xxx

A Museum of Broken Hearts??


A few weeks ago, well actuall in end of August actually ( I know its been awhile!!) i went to an exhibition in Covent Garden called 'The museum of broken relationships'.. Well as you can imagine, that did seen unusual and interesting!! Now there was certainly somethin fasinatin about this exhibition that attracted the 1000's of people that have come to visit it all around the world.. My guess... Because we can all certainly relate and feel some what apart of the collection itself... :(
If there is a story i've shared before with my friends and family, one of which take most peoples interest is how this heart of mines is doing...Full and bursting to tell of my happiness or the story of how it got broken...This museum was just that..Words of the heart...It consisted of objects and a story behind it decribing what the objects meant to that paticular person and the tail of the relationship..
It was a particular subject i liked... I could definately relate and i liked the idea of people realising their pain by sharing it so that others in the world would not feel alone... For example in this pic..i was reading about a guy in Hong kong who fell in love with a girl and her name was 'Carla' which sounds like 'color' so when every he saw the word in his travels and day to day life..he would take a picture of it..he built up an impressive collection of documenting the word 'color' so that one day he would show her and present his gift to her...untill his heart got broken..he stopped the photography and the unseen collection of pictures were donated to this museum...how sweet huh...but with love...you can never tell the way they start or end right??
LOL i loved this one! To all you cheating bastards ay?? haha!!
This was a very interesting story, one of the longest but i really loved it... especially how i agree with the last paragraph :)
This was a bible carved through with candles waxed into it, its was very fasinating but strange to me...this girl made some sort of love shrine within a bible to the guy she loved...i kinda forgot the story... O_o

I wish i could say 'go and check it out guys' but from what i know, its already left London and onto the next city around the world now... but if You wanna donate your belongings and share your story,or even have a look at the online collection, you can do so via this website... :)
CLICK FOR THE MUSEUM OF BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS

good luck and enjoy guys and dolls x