Have you ever not wanted to forgive someone because you judge them for what they have done or have done to you? I'm pretty sure many of us have been down that road before where to forgive is just too difficult because we just can't let it go... But hear me out, lemme let you in on this...
those who are forgive much, love much... those who are forgiven little..love little...
What does that mean exactly... well its new to me too actually! Last sunday, i learnt the meaning of just that!! Picture this..
A guy owed £500 to a merchant. Another guy owed £5 to him. both were in a position where they cannot afford to pay him back. So the kind merchant cancelled the debt they owed,cleaning the slate for them. Now... who do you think was more grateful for this act of kindness? yeah.. it would probably be the guy with the bigger debt of £500 right...You understanding me yet..?? no?? :p listen...
People who do us wrong... sometimes we think they don't deserve our forgiveness... they just don't deserve to feel relieved of that grudge we hold against them... maybe they hurt you bad..maybe they wronged someone you know... for what ever the reason... because their debt to you is greater than of someone whos done less...if you forgave them, their gratefulness is greater..their love will flourish...
To forgive someone is a gift, it can really stir a person inside, it not only gives them rest, but also..it gives you rest...holding a grudge isn't easy right? i know that one for sure!!!!!
I think the reason why i'm writing this post today is because i've been reflecting upon my past and how there are still a couple of people that i have not yet forgiven for the wrongs they did to me... i firgured this much.. 'he/she wouldn't learn from his/her mistakes if i forgave them' they can only know the greatness of my hurt if they never recieve my forgiveness...how do you forgive when your heart isn't quite there yet.??..
Now its been a long time since these wrongs guys..and i don't even think much of it now... but i am aware..that my grudge still haunts them..its still is uncomfortable to live with.. and i think i've been thinking about it in the wrong way... Those with greater debts of wrong..learns from and has a higher sense of gratitude than those who did little to wrong me and gets forgiven...
Its easy to forgive someone of a white lie, but harder to forgive someone whos lied for a year about everything right??...but out of the two who seek forgiveness...the one who hurt you the most would recieve the greatest amount of gratitude and lesson from their mistakes...
It really twisted the way i think when i learnt this...still tryna get my head around it to be honest!! I'm putting it out there..maybe it wil stir you to forgive someone whos hurt you today...
A long time ago, someone told me that the way they see relationships is that both persons within it has to be content and committed to actually make it work and go the whole mile to 'happily ever after'... That is why even though he had been with his partner for 5 years, he was still open to the fact that if either of them ever felt differently and that if his partner had gotten to know someone in her life that gave her more out of her life, he would be open and accepting to let her go because her happiness was important than to force something that was no longer working...
I remember hearing this and feeling quite objective about it... because it was a long time they had been together and he didn't plan on getting married to her (he was one that felt marriage had become obsolete...) because he had it in his mind that people constantly change and nothing lasts forever... I felt alittle sad upon hearing this but gradually understood what he meant... It's quite hard balancing the needs of others and your own needs... do you give up the love of your life for their happiness (wether it be career, different life path or the fact that they've met someone else) or do you fight for what you had..that you spent so much time in your life building and because you expect those 5 years to count for something??!
What do you do if you want to be happy and you want them to be happy but that happiness no longer resides between both of you the way it used to??
Honestly... I used to think otherwise but i do believe you should put the other persons happiness first... To know your own self worth, is knowing you deserve someone that would do the same for you...Lets not even bring in the beautiful couples who keep their vows and would never dream to end their relationship, i'm talking about the bf or gf or bestfriend or family member that would drop you like its hot because their aren't happy or content anymore... Even if it means going through a heartache trying to kill off all those dreams and plans you made for your future...can it honestly be better staying with someone who is no longer content in your relationship?
I'm all for looking on the brighter side of things but a fact of life is, nothings lasts forever...people get old and will eventually die, friends lose contact with eachother...feelings water down and pain does end... The only thing i know that is forever is God's love for us... That in itself is enough for me because i've learnt to understand that now... I honestly let my heart break for every bad thing that happened in the world...like i was never content with what i could do to help... (stupid big ass heart of mines!! >_<)
I'm really at peace with that idea now... that i'd actually be ok if people that i've built a bond or relationship with for many years decide to drift away or take a different path to mines if it means them gaining more happiness than they had when they had me in it... I'm also open to the fact that same way nothing lasts forever (i'd obviously try harder if i was married because divorces is not in my cards), that they might not feel like that forever and nor will i... friends can reunite and couples can get back together because the same way life experiences teaches us stuff, time allows us to heal and grow...we ourselves mold and change into better (well or worst if you didn't grasp the lesson your mistakes thought you!) people... I believe we can all find contentment... with ourselves, our friends, familys and partners... just that we can and we wil find them quite alot of times in our lives... just allow whatever needs to happen..happen... you most certainly gain alot of clarity from doing that at the very least!!
(yea i just wrote loads and loads again...i do wonder who reads my thoughts... O_o)
a random but had-to-put-it-out-there kinda post! :)
It's such a CHILLY few days in London.. I hope everyone is keeping well and warm in heart.. My cheeks get so rosey when im too hot or too cold!! >_< I need to stay warm!!
Ermmm..Moving on..I wanna talk about my thoughts this weekend...
I've experienced the works of the holy spirit recently... I was so hot in emotions at one point.. then freezing cold the next... i couldn't quite get the balance on my own... When you somehow focus too much energy on one thing, you upset the balance of everything around you... when i focused my all in the one who loves all good and bad...that i remembered the good wants you to do even more good..to better and encourage others.. the bad wants you to suffer and give up..they thrive on your bad times..sometimes its about taking time out to re-evaluate your priorities and listen to your heart...
Where i think we all wanna be is warm...in Heart.. in Life.. in Love..
I'm one for bettering myself everyday...but i know it's not easy... I wanna change the world.. I wanna be apart of bigger picture..the small voice that adds to building the loudest voice...
Too many of us forget that there’s a life outside the bubble of our own...
Some people put their head in the sand, some people have the attitude
that if it doesn’t effect them directly, it is of no importance... My
heart won’t let me be like that, believe me, I’ve tried...
I don't think we should just sit and wait for others to do the work... I don't think we should wait for a better time in our lives... a year...when you finish this job, that project, that degree.. we can all do something...right here..right now...
Christ
taught us Love is not for the fulfillment of self but for the glory of
God and the good of others. True love is selfless...It gives...It sacrifices..
You don't have to believe in God to set aside you own self
fulfillment... I believe everyone is capable of kindness.. Everyone has
goodness in them... I'm not trying to preach to the non believers
because i once was in their shoes too... i just think whatever we are
all going through.. maybe you life sucks right now.. or its awesome to
the fullest... We can all put the needs of others..of other things even
before ourselves or our owns... Focus on a vision thats B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L and be apart of it... :)
I'm keeping this post really open to however you want to interpret it my g'z and d'z... Be warm in your heart... TRUST ME, i took me awhile to get there... It can only open you up to see the good in others and everything that is happening around the world we live in...
Spread the love...Like if you like, Share if it inspires you, Tweet if you awesome :p, Reblog that if think that this post can spark your friends and fam...Spend 24hours not complaining about negatives and instead...praising every positive action, word or emotion in that day towards others.. you could be giving yourself to others; be a helping hand, say something lovely to someone random... :)
So i was having a skype convo with my good friend Jamilia yesterday who is currently living in Canada, who i met in Barbados... We were having the good old catch up convo when she brought up something she heard on the news or something she read where they were say marriage is obsolete.. Incase you're abit slow like me, it means that they think marriage is out dated and no longer of use in our generation... She was really stressing how ridiculous that sounds and honestly i have to agree with her... I mean.. call me old fashioned but i still and i think will always see marriage as sacred... Its funny how this subject came up because it has been on my mind in the recent months...
As some of you may know, i've recently been baptised as a follower of Christ, and had a confirmation service couple of sundays ago confirming my belief and faith in my decision.. It was a beautiful service but going off the subject, i've been learning alot about what the biblical views of dating and marriage is...
My eyes have certainly been opened by what i have learnt... I told you whiles i was in Prague, i was reading a book called 'I kissed dating goodbye' by Joshua Harris and on topic of many things, been reading blog posts from http://www.boundlessline.org/ which talk of marriage amongst other things, and i seriously have strengthened my views on marriage being an essential step we take to enrich our lives... I know our society and generation has come down to one night stands, long and short term relationships with no intention of tieing the knot.. dating is starting at a younger age, marriage is starting at an older age and divorce rates are sky rocketing up... Can i blame the people that made that statement of marriage becoming obsolete??!! Probably not.. But many of us forget that its the lack of knowledge of what the meaning of marriage is that allows us to completely walk all over that idea...
I've recently watched a talk by Timothy Keller ( i'll post a link to it beow if ur interested^_^) which my good friend Javiah emailed to me and i found it enlightening... It was on the top of his book ' The meaning of Marriage' and he discusses the topic in very easy to understand examples and analogies..
He mentions that if you are from an eastern background, your meaning of life is to find you place in the community and be complimentary to it, whereas if you are from the west, you have been affected by the enligtenment where the individuals fulfillment and needs comes first, therefore the individuals desires and likes has to come before those of the groups... Its just a view but you can see it affecting the way people view marriage as self fulfillment and not of a binding commitment 'through thick and thin'...
(my brother and his daughter)
There was this one example he gave that really made sense to me...The relationship of a person to their child and the relationship between a couple... During the years of bring up your child, you will go through love and hate, you love your daughter unconditionally but somethings she can really drive you up the wall ( i kinda know how that feels already having a niece..but i love her unconditionally) but your spouse's love becomes conditional more and more over time right??.. When you have a fight, a dispute, a falling out and your needs and desires become stronger than theirs, what would happen when the child grows up goes off the uni and its just you and your partner?? He said in one case, the couple gets a divorce and the marriage is over... As the child grows up, you might fall out and bond again, but no matter what, you will always love her... and that of your spouse?? will you love him just as much and work throught the ruff edges like that of a parent child relationship or try to find the love and needs from someone else?? I feel kinda sad just thinking about that... :(
I admit, marriage isn't easy, i think it needs alot of work to make it work!! Marriage is a long term binding commitment,thats essentially the meaning of it, not the passion and feelings a person makes you feel, that comes and goes and if you base your marriage on that first and foremost, what do you think the outcome of that marriage after 5 years??..
Timothy Keller gives the example of 2 types of relationships.. Consumer and Covenant... Consumer is that of your relationship with your local supermarket, if Asda has a better deal on strawberries than Tescos then its off to Asda i go, it a relationship based on your individual needs because they are more important than that of the relationship (with Tescos in this example!).. A Covenant relationship for example is of the parent and child one i explained earlier.. If you've had enough of that wild childs antics, you can't just leave that child on someone elses door step, you'll go to prison!! You need to work at it and fulfill your duties as a parent to love and care for your child through the good, the bad and the ugly times...
BF and GF relationships are still consumer relationships
(when i get bored of tigger, hes in the corner of the bed again!! >_<)
Whats beautiful about marriage is that it can turn a consumer relationship into one of intimacy and security, of freedom and beauty. You can be more of yourself just because its no longer about promoting yourself and performing...its that stability that makes your life richer. Anything that is born due to the creation of time and will; like a marriage in this case- is more interesting and more satisfying than one relationship of fleeting emotions.. Do we want to become slave to 'the moment' forever? Slaves to you feelings, the impulses, the adrenaline and rush of 'something new and excting'??
(half a face representing half flawless and half flawed? or a half to be completed by someone else?? I'm trying to be abstract but still personal guys... >_<")
I think within the ideas of relationships, people want to look for a soul mate, someone who accepts them for who they are and vice versa... complimenting each others personalities, a perfect fit... unfortunately we all change constantly, we all have those great qualities and flaws that come with it, if our idea of the perfect relationship to bring towards marriage has to fulfill many of our own personal needs and criterias, will there one at all? because i don't believe i am any better than that person with flaws..
Here are some of the examples Keller gave in his talk about qualities and flaws in people in general:-
-a fearful with a tendancy to great anxiety
-a proud person with the tendancy to be selfish
-an inflexible person with a tendancy to be very demanding
-a perfectionist who tends to be too critical of others
-a displined person with a tendancy to be unreliable
-a cowardly person who tends to twist the truth to look good..
-irritable person who tends to hold grudges
I think everyone is cappable of being someone like that wether it was past present or future due to your lifestyle choices and experiences... I think an eternal bond to love one another and accept that things might change within both parties and really make you change into a better person, you become free of all the chains bad past relationship experiences have moulded you to hold on to... If you wanna have a look at the talk;- Click Here...
Though i've pretty much summed it all up in this post :D
If u can't keep a promise...It means you can't keep your identity.. If u can't keep a promise, it becomes quite lonely... If you CAN rise above the conditioning of your past and making a promise and keep it...Well it makes you free..sets you free rather.. :) Marriage isn't just a piece of paper... I know i'm not married yet or anywhere near that chapter but i understand that it is something deep and more than just feelings and 'I love you's'...When you find that person to share your life with...you can experience deep character change through a deep and loving friendship...
I'm pro marriage guys and dolls,in the most sacred way possible.. and i hope many of you can/do or will feel the same (someday!).
I've borrowed a book called 'i kissed dating goodbye' by Joshua Harris.. So far I'm on chapter 5... I just wanted to share my thought about Love and Relationships... After having a look at some of the stories in this book, I have to say it's really opened my eyes about the way our modern society views have changed about relationships...
This book talks about staying pure and viewing Love the way Gods wants us to love...it's written by a Christian so it channels alot of it's roots from the bible and how we should try to have a relationship when we are ready to commit to another for life... In many ways, I actually like the message it is sending out to us... I mean I've always had the view of saving ones purity for the person you marry one day...but I've never seen it in the eyes of a Christian to be honest... It's actually more than just saving yourself from getting hurt if it doesn't really work out... Most people get into relationships just to see what it's like to experience another person..mentally, physically and emotionally..but the thought of being ready to commit to that person forever isn't something we all take seriously..it's more like jut testing the waters and if it doesn't work out, on to the next uno...but do we really wanna keep wasting our efforts in energy consuming relationships when there isn't anything more to that? Same way would I really wanna be spending my Sunday's in church if I really didn't believe there was a living God?? I don't think so...
1stly is do believe in a holy trinity of God...that i dont even question anymore...and 2ndly I really don't believe in being in a relationship with someone that I can't picture myself spending the rest of my life with...I think I truly have kissed dating goodbye...if I'm with someone, it is with intention of patiently committing to be wedded one day to him...I wouldn't date if I wasn't sure or wanted to 'see how it goes'...
I love the idea of real love...I'm a hopeless romantic to be honest...and I find that this book helped me reenforce my beliefs about how I've always felt about romance and relationships...sure we learn from our past mistakes...but for your to learn from your mistakes, would you want to carry on having the same attitude towards relationships and love or view it from the teachings of a person who's love has never failed upon us?? Even if you are not religious I think it's still a matter of being open to the teachings and getting something out of it that counts..
I do honestly think this book is abit extreme and I don't completely agree with it...for example I think kissing and holding hands are ok in relationships of commitment...it's down to the individuals to make it work in a sensible manner...just don't let it lead y'all all to do da bang bang innit!! :p
I was talking to a friend and he told me the sensible girl who only ever had 1 boyfriend before him-well she put out after date number 2..and obviously after date number 3, they were no longer dating...it was just too easy for him...and it just goes to show how much self respect she had for herself really...yet she wanted a proper relationship with him...but her actions didn't help her manifest what she wanted... I dno... I guess this is a touchy subject to write about since it seems like I judge others for what their choices are in making relationships with people..but honestly guys...I don't judge anyone's choices..I'm no more a saint than anyone else...these is just my choices, we all aren't the same now are we??
With that, I think this post is getting abit complicated and long... I'll end on a famous quote Paul wrote to the people of Corinthians:-
"love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 12:4-8
