Belive in yourself

A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid 

of the branch breaking because her trust is not in the branch,

but in her own wings to fly...

However big or small your problems are...

just remember the world is so big..

It's soo beautiful..

And dispite you and me being so small..

No problem is too small for God...

His love is unending... 

And he care about the big and small things in our lives...

Have some faith.. 

That the muddy waters will clear...

And within it.. something beautiful will grow out of it..

You are never alone in this world...

He will never give you anything that challenges you that he knows you cannot handle..

Love snow x

You're there in the dark of the night..

While holding the sun and it's light...

Through the triumphs and trials alike

There's no one beside you...

Your voice calls the stars by their names.. 

You whisper them all to their place...

To testify of your wonder and praise..

Both now and forever...

Happy Spring!

I know i look young... i kinda do it to myself  without realising because thats how i feel comfortable inside... I like wearing mens sweaters because they are loose and comfortable... it does make me look like a tramp but i'm a student..i don't really care anymore lol!  I do loveeeeeeeee this snap back though... it was my friends and he gave it to me as a birthday gift about 2 years ago because i kept trying to steal it!! :p I don't really know what happened to him... we were always good friends so maybe when he got a girlfriend..he cut me out... mehh... story of my life..i expect it when i have dudes as friends! moving on :)

Because its the start of spring, i wanted to take a moment to remind you all of new beginnings... Spring is when the snow melts, the flowers start to bloom.. the trees grow back their leaves and its warmer and sunnier again!! and we get more day light... ahhhhh.. isn't it just nice?!!

So no its not a the beginning of the year but u can still start a new habit only because the new life around us and sunlight just makes us more happy!! Starting a new fitness regime... well u can run outside...its not too cold anymore...new colours to your wardrobe, new room furniture and clean your room out of junk...new make up, new accessories.. new hair colour... ( hmmm should i change my hair colour..or at least get a hair cuttt!!!??) or it could be start a new beginning with a friendship or a relationship... if you have had enough time to mull over it and both parties are better than who they were before you fell out/broke up... why ot give it a try? Orrrr... get yourself out on the dating scene and try something new!!! speed dating? getting set up? go to a bar... orr sign up to a dating website!! HEY DON'T JUDGE lol.. i did it once! :p

Happy spring people!!

2013.. Hi again...

Yo! it's been awhile.... What have i been doinggg all this time?!!! Well... as you can see.. not getting a haircut for one!! I went from hippy hair to just a plain vagabond now...there has to be something done to this hot mess but i'm soooo lazy to go to the hair salon!!! >_< The last time i cut it was january 2012!!! one yr one month ago! someone slap me plz...

Anyhow... hows life? There really hasn't been anything new with me really... oh wait, i turned 25 on 16 january couple of weeks ago... That was a depressing day lol... especially thanks to the people reminding me i'm quarter of a century year old now! :'(

Ermm...my life has 2 focuses... my studies and my God... I have been unbelievably blessed since last year.. according to my chinese zodiac and being double rabbit and dragon...i was suppose to have 2 years of terrible luck... but dispite the challenges i had to face at the beginning of 2012, everything did get better..i was more myself..i settled into who i manifested into...and i like her... i was rejected from a place on my course now and prayed so hard and his miracles changed the deans mind about me and he funded my place...how blessed am i to have met some amazing people since october when i started my studies...and of my first term... i even got an A on my first design project and a B on my first essay... these things just don't happen to me...at ever step of the way...i prayed for help when i struggled...he never left my side...never...even when i did, his arms were wide open...man... That is what real love is... :)

It was vision sunday today at church...they handed out to everyone this bracelet which means in latin " The mission of God" they played an inspirational film made of real peoples lives and struggles in real worlds in new york, london, kiev and melborne... and really...it was so nice...made me remember my purpose again...to be the hands and feet of Christ and love others as he loved me...

So basically... i am working on a project right now that is super challenging but also..because i was called to do this..i know i can do my best in his name... lets have some faith snow!! :p

oh and i know i have new readers now so hi and i hope that in whatever you take away from my words...that can help you just a tiny bit... i'd have done what i was called to do through it.. help you ;)

i'll keep updated!

Love Snow xxx

Forgiveness

Have you ever not wanted to forgive someone because you judge them for what they have done or have done to you? I'm pretty sure many of us have been down that road before where to forgive is just too difficult because we just can't let it go... But hear me out, lemme let you in on this... 

those who are forgive much, love much... those who are forgiven little..love little...

What does that mean exactly... well its new to me too actually! Last sunday, i learnt the meaning of just that!! Picture this..

A guy owed £500 to a merchant. Another guy owed £5 to him. both were in a position where they cannot afford to pay him back. So the kind merchant cancelled the debt they owed,cleaning the slate for them. Now... who do you think was more grateful for this act of kindness? yeah.. it would probably be the guy with the bigger debt of £500 right...You understanding me yet..?? no?? :p listen... 

People who do us wrong... sometimes we think they don't deserve our forgiveness... they just don't deserve to feel relieved of that grudge we hold against them... maybe they hurt you bad..maybe they wronged someone you know... for what ever the reason... because their debt to you is greater than of someone whos done less...if you forgave them, their gratefulness is greater..their love will flourish...

 To forgive someone is a gift, it can really stir a person inside, it not only gives them rest, but also..it gives you rest...holding a grudge isn't easy right? i know that one for sure!!!!!

I think the reason why i'm writing this post today is because i've been reflecting upon my past and how there are still a couple of people that i have not yet forgiven for the wrongs they did to me... i firgured this much.. 'he/she wouldn't learn from his/her mistakes if i forgave them' they can only know the greatness of my hurt if they never recieve my forgiveness...how do you forgive when your heart isn't quite there yet.??.. 

Now its been a long time since these wrongs guys..and i don't even think much of it now... but i am aware..that my grudge still haunts them..its still is uncomfortable to live with.. and i think i've been thinking about it in the wrong way... Those with greater debts of wrong..learns from and has a higher sense of gratitude than those who did little to wrong me and gets forgiven...

Its easy to forgive someone of a white lie, but harder to forgive someone whos lied for a year about everything right??...but out of the two who seek forgiveness...the one who hurt you the most would recieve the greatest amount of gratitude and lesson from their mistakes...

It really twisted the way i think when i learnt this...still tryna get my head around it to be honest!! I'm putting it out there..maybe it wil stir you to forgive someone whos hurt you today...

Happy Mondays 

Love Snow x

University

it's about 2 weeks exactly that I'm studying at uni and yep I've kept it on the D low because I wasn't sure I'd successfully get in.. not that anyone is as happy as I am but I got in to a pretty prestigious institution and I'm so thankful to God for answering my prayers one after another!! :)

So what's it like being in 'school' again? probably the most awesome feeling ever!! uno I've studied most of my life.. and most of it was never for me..like I probably picked subjects I was good at but did I really wanna do it? being Asian, I did it for my parents, I felt like I owed them a good life and was purely motivated to please them with my A*'s and distinctions..but there was no satisfaction in the end...I mean I think I was brought up pretty well but honestly, I say 'screw to that way of thinking!' I don't know, I realized that after getting those top grades, I'd get put down for other things I wasn't good at I.e languages-I dropped out of Chinese school age 16 because never using the language and having to memorize the characters and do my GCSEs was too much for my slow brain to process!! I'm not saying if u live to serve your parents, that's a bad thing, but in my opinion, doing studies for your own ambition to further bigger and more global ambitions is probably more sustainable that the desperate hope of love and recognition from your folks!!

I see it this way... I've been pretty good and skilled in a lot of things I have learnt and experienced...however I think I'm pretty good at design and I haven't utilised my skills in this area to the potential it can grow...I had to step out of the continuous patterns in my life to really know what I want to do...so here I am! late night's at the library, not eating because I'm too busy, coffees after coffees and just that much more busier than usual! I have to say, first 2weeks have been pretty intensive! like I wanna do the activities n fun stuff but I've had no time! I've met some pretty awesome people tho..they make me laughhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! lol! so wish me luck.. let the good times roll..I'll keep y'all posted!
love snow x

Me...an example?

I've been some sort of mentor to 2 of my co workers as of recently... One has left but insisted we stay friends outside of work and one i see about once a week... Its weird but they both look to me for guidance and help in their lives... in what way? well alot of people have tried to understand why  fasted for 50 days... why i don't entertain in gossip... why im reading scripture on my lunch breaks... why im not interested in male attention or why im just boring and alil not so 'normal' in their eyes... lol! Well.. they might think ima loser but i think im awesome haha!! :p

So one of my co workers has confided in me about the signs and the messages he has been getting to change his ways and come back into the fathers arms... but it has been difficult... he shared of his internal battles with me... he said to me today " i want to be more like you..." i was quite happy that in some way, i've quietly set an example of Christ's light and somehow have drawn him closer to others who want to know him the way i do... I said to him " I've not tried to change or force myself to be someone else... i've put my full trust and life in his hands.. what you see in me.. who you want to be more like isn't me... its just the reflection of Christ in me.." I shared my trials and weakest moments in my life when i made my decision to give my life to God with him to help him understand it wasn't smooth sailings for me either... that who i am now is still a constant process of Christ in me clarifying who i'm meant to be...more like him...

I'm sharing this because i'm kinda scared.. i don't know how to guide others when i've needed so much help from others to get me here in the first place... What i feel is that i'm not perfect... The responsibility of ones growth in faith is in his own will to do so...Is it a responsibility i can handle? what if i fall and they fall with me? I have see the positive impacts i've had on the people i am surrounded by daily but what do i do next if they want more??? I'm still so new to this, i'm kinda just worried that in my examples...and my efforts to help that i'm not strong enough to have others lean on me... I mean about a year n a half ago i was just as lost and confused in life as they are now...

Thinking about it now... i'm just being selfish for thinking about not lending my hand when they wanna experience what i have... It's the most amazing gift i've ever recieved... unconditional love and someone that never gives up or lets go of me... 

I don't like to force or impose my beliefs onto anyone because of my own experience with people who have tried to do that to me... i think its so important that people come to faith by freewill and with a childlike faith.. like i did... I'm gonna pray on it and give it my all.. if it is needed... 

(As i mentioned before, i know my posts have been quite god reflected recently... i aint bible bashing.. its mainly the chapter in my life right now :) i aint ashamed haterz!!! :p 

Just a quiet mind note i wanted to share... Love Snow x

Easter Sunday

Hey guys and dolliez!

It's been over a week since my last post rightttt?!! Ahh today has been amazing!! I've been working everyday this week and finally got my sunday to celebrate EASTER!! :D I was abit dissapointed i couldn't attend a mass on good friday because of work but hey... back to today!! :D I stayed with my cousin lastnight so we both woke up and had pancakes for breakfast... Now traditionally my fast should be over by now... I could have had an epic breakfast... but i decided from the beginning to follow the orthodox time frame of fasting, which is like a week longer.. and on top of that i did break my fast for one event of 3 days so i'm gonna make up for that also.. my ersonal fast will end 10days later, 18th of april :) I made pancake with just water n flour, no butter, milk or eggs..not needed :)

After spending the afternoon resting with my cousin, i later attended 2 easter services... OMGosh i totally didnt expect the production i watched at Hillsong!! It was a moving performace of singing, animations, acting, ballet and street dance, rapping, amazing solos and a choir all delivering the beauty story of Jesus's life in exchange for our forgiveness... It was stunning and really got to the heart of me... I wish you all could have seen it or that there was a video of the whole thing for ya'll to see!! :D After that service, i ran on to my home church HTB for a more traditional talk about the significance of this day... the birth of hope.. another lovely message i took in as i took my communion in rememberance of my lord :) 

As you guys can see, i really don't care about being judge by the way i talk about my love for Jesus anymore.. i used to care about what people thought...because i used to judge those who were like me now.. I'm really happy that i found everlasting love and life in him... :D

I went to the bookshop afterwards and got some books..headed home to actually eat (since i only had that pancake this morning!) and uno what guys, i was suppose to go raving tonight!! Like i got invited out, then by a few more to the same club... I was gonna go after i ate...Easter used to mean time off work and partying because there was no work the next day... but it means soo much more to me now... I didn't go out in the end because celebrating in the word and being happy over the greatest miracle in history of mankind was fulfilling... not that i wouldn't have liked to see some of my friend tonight but it wasn't a big deal...I used to hate letting people down so i'd go even if i didnt feel like it... but i didn't feel like that today... clubbing is just clubbing, i'd probably just get unwanted attention and get annoyed in my stilettos O_o (palm to ur face if u think i'm lame... i'm not into boys right now so i can hold out on the partying, i'm too in love with a man named Jesus Christ to care about society's views of me! :p)

Have a blessed easter awesome people!! xxx

Contentment in Relationships ...

A long time ago, someone told me that the way they see relationships is that both persons within it has to be content and committed to actually make it work and go the whole mile to 'happily ever after'... That is why even though he had been with his partner for 5 years, he was still open to the fact that if either of them ever felt differently and that if his partner had gotten to know someone in her life that gave her more out of her life, he would be open and accepting to let her go because her happiness was important than to force something that was no longer working... 

I remember hearing this and feeling quite objective about it... because it was a long time they had been together and he didn't plan on getting married to her (he was one that felt marriage had become obsolete...) because he had it in his mind that people constantly change and nothing lasts forever... I felt alittle sad upon hearing this but gradually understood what he meant... It's quite hard balancing the needs of others and your own needs... do you give up the love of your life for their happiness (wether it be career, different life path or the fact that they've met someone else) or do you fight for what you had..that you spent so much time in your life building and because you expect those 5 years to count for something??!

What do you do if you want to be happy and you want them to be happy but that happiness no longer resides between both of you the way it used to??

Honestly... I used to think otherwise but i do believe you should put the other persons happiness first... To know your own self worth, is knowing you deserve someone that would do the same for you...Lets not even bring in the beautiful couples who keep their vows and would never dream to end their relationship, i'm talking about the bf or gf or bestfriend or family member that would drop you like its hot because their aren't happy or content anymore... Even if it means going through a heartache trying to kill off all those dreams and plans you made for your future...can it honestly be better staying with someone who is no longer content in your relationship? 

I'm all for looking on the brighter side of things but a fact of life is, nothings lasts forever...people get old and will eventually die, friends lose contact with eachother...feelings water down and pain does end... The only thing i know that is forever is God's love for us... That in itself is enough for me because i've learnt to understand that now... I honestly let my heart break for every bad thing that happened in the world...like i was never content with what i could do to help... (stupid big ass heart of mines!! >_<)

I'm really at peace with that idea now... that i'd actually be ok if people that i've built a bond or relationship with for many years decide to drift away or take a different path to mines if it means them gaining more happiness than they had when they had me in it... I'm also open to the fact that same way nothing lasts forever (i'd obviously try harder if i was married because divorces is not in my cards), that they might not feel like that forever and nor will i... friends can reunite and couples can get back together because the same way life experiences teaches us stuff, time allows us to heal and grow...we ourselves mold and change into better (well or worst if you didn't grasp the lesson your mistakes thought you!) people... I believe we can all find contentment... with ourselves, our friends, familys and partners... just that we can and we wil find them quite alot of times in our lives... just allow whatever needs to happen..happen... you most certainly gain alot of clarity from doing that at the very least!!

(yea i just wrote loads and loads again...i do wonder who reads my thoughts... O_o)

a random but had-to-put-it-out-there kinda post! :)

you are me and i am you...

I'm not just greatful for finding Love in God... I am no longer lost nor do i feel my life is empty... What i share here are my mind notes... I've been through the highs and the lows with all of you because you are me and i am you... we are all apart of one... Sounds weird or complicated?? lol, i'm not gonna try to explain that statement right now but it is oh so true!! :)

I don't know the reasons why anything or everything happens in this world.. only God knows... but because i don't know, i can only do my part in helping the good of others through myself first... Gandi famous said " Be the change you want to see in the world" and before i used to see that as just setting an example of Love and light for others to see and feel... but in actualalty (is that a word?!), it means so much more than just that!! My mind has just been blown by the new grace and inspiration that has come into my life recently... I've got so much to share but as it stands... It's down to the individual to come seek for what i have found first... and that isn't in reference to just finding God.. It is... so much more than that... Trust that in me.. everyone i have ever known or come across is going to quietly experience..gifts...

Don't think about what i just said, just read and accept and quietly become inspired... I was... :)

I Love You..

I'm Sorry..

Please Forgive me..

I Thank You..

I really love the person i have grown into over the years...This is why i stress that its possible in everyone... Don't try to define who you are or what you put 1st in your life etc... We are our own biggest examples of changes within ourselves... Even if your life experiences have clouded you be be a limited version of yourself...Take the good lessons in life and clean/clear the bad ones so that they don't hold you back... When you feel a void or experience loneliness...don't let it eat you up like that... we all have so much more to live for... whether you are conscious of why you feel like that or not...don't make it your identity...i think you have the capacity in you to love the whole world :) so start with yourself ^___^

You can be moulded into a beautiful person from life but still have flaws (we are human after all!) but when you become conscious of these flaws..maybe thats when the road less travelled opens up for you... If you are open to it...  take that journey...

And if all you heard was blah blah blah looool, you aint ready for the snow to melt and the spring to bloom ;)

Love Snow xoxox

Nobody can do everything...But everyone can do something...

Hey guys and dolliez!!

It's such a CHILLY few days in London.. I hope everyone is keeping well and warm in heart.. My cheeks get so rosey when im too hot or too cold!! >_< I need to stay warm!!

Ermmm..Moving on..I wanna talk about my thoughts this weekend...

I've experienced the works of the holy spirit recently... I was so hot in emotions at one point.. then freezing cold the next... i couldn't quite get the balance on my own... When you somehow focus too much energy on one thing, you upset the balance of everything around you... when i focused my all in the one who loves all good and bad...that i remembered the good wants you to do even more good..to better and encourage others.. the bad wants you to suffer and give up..they thrive on your bad times..sometimes its about taking time out to re-evaluate your priorities and listen to your heart...

Where i think we all wanna be is warm...in Heart.. in Life.. in Love..

I'm one for bettering myself everyday...but i know it's not easy... I wanna change the world.. I wanna be apart of bigger picture..the small voice that adds to building the loudest voice...

Too many of us forget that there’s a life outside the bubble of our own... Some people put their head in the sand, some people have the attitude that if it doesn’t effect them directly, it is of no importance... My heart won’t let me be like that, believe me, I’ve tried...

I don't think we should just sit and wait for others to do the work... I don't think we should wait for a better time in our lives... a year...when you finish this job, that project, that degree.. we can all do something...right here..right now...

Christ taught us Love is not for the fulfillment of self but for the glory of God and the good of others. True love is selfless...It gives...It sacrifices..

 You don't have to believe in God to set aside you own self fulfillment... I believe everyone is capable of kindness.. Everyone has goodness in them... I'm not trying to preach to the non believers because i once was in their shoes too... i just think whatever we are all going through.. maybe you life sucks right now.. or its awesome to the fullest... We can all put the needs of others..of other things even before ourselves or our owns... Focus on a vision thats B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L and be apart of it... :)

   

I'm keeping this post really open to however you want to interpret it my g'z and d'z... Be warm in your heart... TRUST ME, i took me awhile to get there... It can only open you up to see the good in others and everything that is happening around the world we live in...

Spread the love...Like if you like, Share if it inspires you, Tweet if you awesome :p, Reblog that if think that this post can spark your friends and fam...Spend 24hours not complaining about negatives and instead...praising every positive action, word or emotion in that day towards others.. you could be giving yourself to others; be a helping hand, say something lovely to someone random... :)

Have an amazing week my awesome readers!

Snow xoxo

It's a new start for every heart thats found you...

I took this picture just before i got baptised last year, my memories of myself- thoughts and feelings bring me back to earth..

I did something i never usually do since 2011... I didn't go into church today... my excuse.. because i didn't feel like being around people i've lost some trust over..namely, the bag thief within the congregation... I'm quite disappointed in myself for letting that hinder my presence to glorify Jesus's name and worship him.. it's not a very christian act to do... I guess to some extent, i feel like the world did revolve around my feelings... If im unhappy, someone should be there to make me feel better... very selfish i know... i need to stop expecting things in life...  i should just be there for Jesus, noone else...

I dedicated some time today to worship,pray and reflect on the teachings of his life, i watched one of the sermons i hadn't seen on my churches website and read my bible... I realized that a church isn't a place anymore... everyone of us who believes in him is a church inside... going to my local church just remind me incase i get weak in faith.. its like a big church refueling little churches to get through the rest of their weeks... i didn't realize what a huge difference it makes to my altered way of thinking when i am reminded of his teachings... Be patient, be kind, be understanding and don't lose hope and the hardest of them all.. forgive and love people regardless of how angry or upset they make you feel or made you feel... just have to trust and know that if you love that person..those people... just love them and forgive them...and God will see through the rest of the way...

if you have time, watch this sermon about love...it's reminded me that love is an action, a sacrifice of yourself for others...
CLICK HERE

Have a great day guys and dolliez x

i think im feeling better...

I wouldn't imagine anyone has noticed my dissappearance besides my family...i've been unobtainable and out of reach for many...and ive been on a dissappearing act at home for over a week now... i've finally come home... I am so grateful for my friends... they have been so supportive... Thank you for being there.. I'm the type of person who doesn't like to ask for help or tell people what i want and need very easily...i'm just grateful that i even have company during the low times of my life...to be specific of what i want to eat or do or watch...i'd just be askin for it... >_< uno im not a diva or anything...but i can imagine u guys had to put up with my  over considerateness...maybe it was annoying ( my bestie had a go at me for being too polite to her...because it was her!! :p) just wanted to say sorry and thank you!! 

Oh yea, u like the pic?! :D It made me laugh when i flicked through and saw it!!..i look so retarded trying to blow rings from the shisha pipe and alil cross-eyed too!! xD I had a browse through my old photos of my travels etc... They really do cheer you up with the good memories!! I'll share some more if i find some cool ones with a story.. 

Finally i just wanna thank and apologise to my readers for putting up with the RANTS and the CRIES of my life and being a baby recently... i'm feeling alil more stronger and back to myself again...i just need to take baby steps to finding the balance again..

......

When life hits you hard, don't complain. Cry out loud, curse, but don't complain. You are not a victim snow...

Say Goodbye to Old ties...

I've recently had alot on my mind about old ties, friendships and relationships...and how they have affected the way we are to this present day... I take holy communion every month at my church as a sacrament the lord has asked of us to do so in rememberance of him... We usually confess and ask for forgiveness before we take holy communion and everytime i would ask for the forgiveness of my sins, the forgiveness of sins of others and the strength to forgive others that have wronged me that i still find hard to forgive... I don't know why...as much as i try to not let the wrongs of other towards me get at me...well dammit it does and it does take me awhile to really forgive and not feel emotions that would say otherwise... 

Someone told me that it is ok not to forget what these people have done to me...rather than hold pain/grudges towards them...squash it and let it go...and really by trying to not forget, reminding yourself to forgive and remember what they did...well..u eventually forget with no negative feelings attached.... I for one have definately let the people who have hurt me-hurt me more simply by ignoring the problem and when those people float back up in my life...the associated hurt comes back...and what can u do but be back in that place right??? which is whyyyy.... *drum roll* to say goodbye to old ties is the remember and think of them...let out the hurt and anger...and then say 'i forgive you' in your heart... As much days as it takes till it really is goodbye mentally, emotionally and physically..(well u probably wouldn't care so much even if u bumped into them if you've gotten to that point!!) Some people are able to remain friends after true forgiveness...depending on the situations of course..and some simply can't because we don't forget dispite the freedom of forgiveness...

just thought i'd share a mind note worth pondering on... what do you think guys and dollies??

Thought of the day

I saw the message at clapham north tube station as I was heading to my friend Daniellas house...and it was really inspiring...applied to all of us...let's focus less on everyone's flaws and more so on their qualities...they usually out weight the negatives right? Well if they are aware of their flaws as negatives that is.. X

Beautiful Clouds laced around me..

I've recently been overwhelmingly surprised by the way my life has turned around...I think God has truly answered my prayers that I call for deep in my heart...

I am always asking for peace upon my life and everything that surrounds it... That gentle grace that I ask for everyone to experience...is kinda like the beautiful clouds lacing the skies we all live under... Clouds bring hope for water...they also bring shelter from the sun...alot of people might hate when it's cloudy but I for one am grateful to see it's presence...it reminds me of a safety net..a nest...a peaceful and quiet grace thats always there even when we forget...even when there are dark clouds..it's only because the gift of rainfall is due... Even when thick and smog like during winter...its the beauty of snowfall covering the world with a blanket of White...a colour that's pure and of light...

I know I'm talking all poetic and probably not making much sense at all...but I hope you can see that I wish to inspire you all with what I see that is beautiful... I'm so happy that my life seems to sparkle to me now that maybe that saying:-

'every cloud has a silver lining' 

...is something we all could do with reflecting on... No matter how unpleasant, difficult or even painful the situations and obstacles in our lives..there is always something positive that comes out of it...just be patient and let your heart be still...to hear it... :) 

I wanted to share this photo I took whiles in regents park this week...I love the sense of peace laced into the skies...I was so happy when I took this picture..COLD!!but happy!! :p

xxx

Arguements

I've recently had a massive dispute with a friend i used to call my 'bestfriend'... It's sad really... I really hate fighting and confrontation but i guess when you don't feel like your morals of friendship are met, it gets to you... and it got to me... I really like to live my life tryin to not create expectations and obligations to people...it just set you up to be open to getting hurt by people...but as much as i try, if you care alot-you do get hurt..and i guess that is just human nature...

I actually used to get so upset when friends used me, or betrayed me, or just lied and treated me bad..like really pset to the point where i would get depressed and loss sleep and apetite over them...but as much as i have changed now, the old part of me still creeps back in..especially when there is history...

One thing that i am greatful for is the constant reminder of what Jesus christ did for me.. He got tortured and died for my sins just so that i can be forgiven and loved by God... Like it still amazes me as to how couragious and ultimately difficult it must have been for him to die for someone you love... That gives me strength... That alone allows me to be a bigger and more forgiving person because even though i got hurt in the process of the arguement...i should know better because i have God in my life and the other person doesn't...

"Forgive them father for they do not know..."

I used to utter this under my breath alot when people did wrong against me...because ultimately...that person does not know...i can't hold a grudge against that person because at the end of it, the only person i am hurting by doing that is myself...and it is not right to judge people of their actions...

I've gotten to the point in my life where i feel like i don't need that many friends in my life...i don't need to force what is not there... i can stand to have fewer aquaintances and fewer close friends... I know the truth of it is that people come and go from your life and it's no suprise when this should happen..that is life...people die, people change...people make mistakes...I love the Buddist mentality of detaching yourself from everything...to gain enlightenment...for me, the one thing that will never change is the love God has for me...thats one thing that would never change in my eyes...I know everyone of you have different beliefs and thats ok... I am greatful to have learnt and live by this now...I don't care for being judged by my friends and family by this anymore... I ultimately just want peace...

Arguements and disputes are thing that i deteste so much when it happens to me... I pray that it would happen less and less in my life...I'll have faith that that will happen for me...if not maybe i'll become a nun one day ey?? :p well..u never know...

I love you guys and dollz...I just wanted to share my feelings with you because dammit i aint perfect!! :D

xxx

Anti-Social!!!

Hey guys!! 

For reasons i couldn't point out if you asked me, i have became weirdly anti social for the past month.. ( i'd say towards the end of august to the whole of september!!) Ermm..so anti social i didnt even wanna blog about my life and what i was thinking, doing or eating!! lol!! I guess i was being true to the words meaning... But in all honesty i have transformed alot recently...mentally, physically and emotionally!! :D i guess you could say i was doing alot of fine tuning within myself and i had alot of centralised focus on the development the way i think and feel about everything and everyone now... I didn't really go out, i'm sorry if you were one who called me but never got my ass out to see ya'll...i was working aswell but alot of work was alot done outside of my day job...I'd bored you guys if i had to go into detail about my anti-socialism and its reasons but several events, things, people, ermmm experiences and well..uno how life just throws one at ya or you finally catch the ball and understand it... well yea...i caught it and i'm very happy now :) maybe later i'd slowly share my exeriences with you guys...for now...i just wanna say i'm glad to be back on course of things and i'll try not to keep you guys in the dark.. :)

love you guys and dolliezzz xxx